he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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