you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
40s are totally the cure
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
