Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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