Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
