just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
