You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this will be a night to untag.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Shame - the story of my life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
