no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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