Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
