One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
