Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
