i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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