I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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