im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
