I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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