i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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