i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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