so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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