She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
