Don't you send me to vm
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
