Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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