Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
