she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
