im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
