He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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