You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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