Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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