i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize