Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
