Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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