Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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