youre lurking in front of me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
