I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
