What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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