I heard we made out
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
