I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
