gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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