her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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