His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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