In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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