so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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