I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
