also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
