We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
