sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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