OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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