I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
