Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
