the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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