Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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