I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
