How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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