I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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