I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
