ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
