i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
