I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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