HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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