I wish my penis had an off switch
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
