He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
