I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
