apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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