i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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