Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
