It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
