benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
