I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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