Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
