I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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