"it" just moved
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
