its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
