So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
