I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
