Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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