I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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