Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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