Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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