I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
