Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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