yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
