Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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