i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
