When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
