he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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