I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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