Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
