..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
