He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
